After-School Civil War Time
by CZeke
Summary: Ritsu is captain of the club. Mio has iron determination. One will win - one will fall. Whose side are YOU on?
It had seemed like such a simple, harmless idea at first.

"They have a Battle of the Bands every couple of months at this community centre in my neighbourhood," Ritsu had said. "How 'bout we give the next one a shot? You don't even have to register in advance! You can just show up and jam."

The others had agreed. It had sounded like a good way to get some live experience and improve their skills. And so, on a weekend like any other, they had set out for the community centre... little knowing what awaited them.

"The cafeteria? It's that way. Just make sure you have your passes."

"Passes?"

"You know, registration passes. You have to show them to get into the rest of the building."

The show-up-and-jam rule only applied to the gymnasium where the actual event was being held. The rest of the venue was restricted to paying members of that particular community centre.

The food was in the rest of the venue.

The _washrooms_ were in the rest of the venue.

It was the worst disaster in Light Music Club history.

* * *

"We have to get registered! We _have_ to!"

"No way! Registration is nothing but a fascist scheme!"

Unsurprisingly, ten minutes into the next club meeting, Mio and Ritsu were in a screaming match.

"You don't even know what those words mean, stupid!"

"Your FACE is stupid!"

There were well-reasoned arguments on both sides.

"Register us! Do it!"

" _Never!_ "

Azusa asked, "So what's the general consensus?"

Everyone stared.

"Why would you ask that in the middle of the fight?" Tsumugi asked.

"Sorry. I was just really hoping we would have time for some actual practice today."

Mio stabbed a finger at Ritsu. "No practice, no nothing! Not until Ritsu fills out that form!"

Tsumugi asked, "When you say no nothing..."

"No tea either!"

Yui screamed.

"Owww!" said Azusa, who'd been next to her. "Calm down, senio-"

The door burst open. "Big Sister!" cried Ui, flying to Yui's side. "What's wrong? Where does it hurt?"

"In my mouth!" said Yui.

Azusa blinked. _Didn't Ui tell me she'd be out shopping at lunch today?_ She shook it off and quickly explained the situation to her classmate.

Ui nodded. "I think I can help. Let me make a call."

* * *

A few minutes later, Mio and Ritsu were seated on opposite sides of the tea table. Between them, summoned to play mediator, was Nodoka.

"Then it's agreed," said Tsumugi. "We'll all abide by whatever Nodoka decides."

"Unless she decides against me, 'cause screw that," said Ritsu.

"Shut up," said Mio. "This only works if we both agree to respect her decision whether it's for you or not. _Emphasis on not._ "

Tsumugi looked from one to the other nervously. "The point is that we know Nodoka will be an impartial judge -"

"Unless bias against me counts, 'cause she's _so_ in the tank for Mio."

"That's ridiculous!" Mio protested.

"She _runs your fan club!_ "

"Only as a favour to -"

"Citizens!" Yui interrupted. "I know how to fix this!" She came over and sat next to Ritsu.

The drummer asked, "Does this mean what I think it means?"

Yui nodded vigorously. "I'm with you, President! For _tea_ mwork! For loyal _ty!_ For _tea_ justice!"

Ritsu rolled her eyes. "We talked about this, remember? When you've only got two puns, don't try to make three."

"The point is that now Nodoka has one of her super best friends on each side! No bias!"

"Yeah, okay. I'll allow it."

Everyone looked at Nodoka expectantly.

Adjusting her glasses, the student council president said, "You realize you haven't told me what this is about yet, right?"

There was a brief silence. Somewhere outside, a crow cawed.

"So basically," Ritsu started, "this is the story of how Mio's a total bi-"

"I _WILL_ COME OVER THERE!"

"It's like so. Yesterday at two o'clock -"

"One-thirty!"

* * *

After about 25 minutes of this, Nodoka had the whole story. She steepled her fingers, thinking.

"Ritsu," she said, "why don't you just let Mio fill out the form?"

"And do _my_ job as club president? I think not!"

"Mio," she said, "why not just pick a different contest next time?"

"I _liked_ this one, and anyway, it's a matter of principle now."

"Yui," she said, "why didn't you go before you left the house?"

"I didn't know I'd have to hold it in!"

Nodoka was silent for a moment.

"Okay," she finally said, "I've thought of a solution."

Everyone leaned toward her.

"Ritsu... just fill out the form already."

"HEY!"

Mio sat back, looking smug.

"This is barrels of BS!" said Ritsu. "You're not impartial at all!"

"I never said I was," Nodoka pointed out. "Tsumugi said that."

The blonde's face went red under Ritsu's glare.

"Compromises are for when both sides have a point," Nodoka continued. "Sorry, Ritsu, but this isn't one of those times. Just fill the form out. It'll take two minutes."

"NEVER!" screamed the club president, slamming both hands on the table. "When a law is unjust, the duty of good citizens is to defy it! You can take our freedom, but you can never take our _freedom!_ "

Nodoka blinked.

"Yui, let's go! We're _seceding_!"

"Didn't we fail?" the guitarist asked.

Ritsu glared at her.

"We can't secede at something we've already failed at. We'll have to secede at something else."

"Yui, just... just stop being _you_ for a minute. Hey Mugi, you in?"

The heiress looked up, startled. "You want me to join you?"

"The more the merrier. Let's tear down the system together!"

Tsumugi turned to Mio. "Would that be okay with you?"

Words failed the bassist. "I... what? No! Ritsu's being ridiculous. Stay here."

Tsumugi frantically looked back and forth between Ritsu and Mio. "I can't choose sides! I'd be betraying one of you!"

"So betray one of us," said Ritsu. "It's cool. We do this every second Tuesday."

"I can't do it! I... I..." She suddenly slammed her hands down. " _I'm going to France!_ "

Before anyone could react, the blonde had raced out of the room, leaving behind only her tea set and a serious dent in the table.

"She'll be back when France closes," said Yui.

Ritsu turned to Azusa. "That just leaves you, Nakano. Whose side are you on?"

At last, it had come. This was the moment Azusa had been dreading since she first joined the light music club. Given the personalities of the founding members, she'd always known that one day she would have to choose between obedience and good sense. But how could -

"Betcha she's doin' a whole internal monologue," said Ritsu to Mio. "Little drama queen. She gets it from you, y'know."

"This isn't a big deal," Mio reassured Azusa. "It's just Ritsu being annoying."

Ah. Well, in that case... "I'll stay here," said Azusa.

Yui screamed again.

"Geez!" said Ritsu, who'd been closest this time.

"Azu-nyan, don't do it! Don't leave me!"

" _You're_ leaving _me_ ," Azusa reminded her. "Sorry, but I agree with Mio on this."

"Then Ui, you stay with her! Please! Every Azu-nyan must always have a Hirasawa!"

"Okay, Big Sister," said Ui, who hadn't actually realized she was expected to pick a side.

"Then it's decided!" Ritsu raised her fist. "The armies are formed! The line it is drawn! The curse it is cast!"

Mio made an "eep" sound and ducked her head into her arms. Azusa rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure those were just lyrics, senior."

"Come, Yui! We have battle plans to make!"

"Aye-aye!" said Yui, saluting. (Azusa felt an odd bit of deja vu.)

The two defectors grabbed their things and ran out of the room. A minute later, Yui, blushing, came back for Giita.

"The only part that surprises me," said Nodoka, "is that Ritsu ever thought I might be against signing forms."

"Where do you think they went?" asked Azusa.

"Actually, why did they leave at all?" added Ui. "Shouldn't the club president's side keep the clubroom?"

"Not when she defies the president of the whole school!" Mio said, pointing at Nodoka (who was only president of the student council, was starting to regret even that much, and had now officially decided to fake a headache next time one of the Hirasawas called).

"Hey, I know," said Azusa. "Why don't we just get another form and fill it out ourse-"

" _NO!_ We're not doing Ritsu's job for her! We're going to _hunt her down!_ "

Mio climbed up to stand on her chair. Her fists were clenched. Her expression was hard as steel. It was impossible to look at her and not see a flag fluttering in the background.

"We're in the right on this. The law is on our side. Those traitors can run, but they can't hide. Whatever it takes, we will bring them in and _make them obey!_ "

Azusa took a moment to wonder what she'd gotten herself into.

Ui took a moment to wonder what Yui had gotten her into.

Nodoka said, "Can I go now?"

* * *

"Now, this isn't gonna be a permanent base of operations for us. It's just a place to regroup and formulate a battle plan."

"Good," said Yui. "I think other people will want to use this bathroom stall eventually."

"Our goal is to keep away from Mio's forces until she gets bored and gives up on the whole form-signing thing. But we gotta keep doing our jobs in the meantime. That means we still go to class and we still practice."

"So we're an underground resistance! A shadow organization! A -" Yui suddenly looked like she'd won the lottery. "A _dark music club!_ "

"Sure, whatevs. The important thing is that Mio can suck it."

For a minute or so, the two rebels were silent, lost in thought about the dangers that awaited them.

"Ricchan," said Yui, "if you're so against filling out the form, why did you pick it up in the first place?"

"That was yesterday," said Ritsu. "I've grown a lot as a person since then."

There was another pause.

"Think we should tell Sawa-chan we're doing this?"

"Nah."

* * *

 **Next: Codename Lightning**

 _A/N: This takes place in third year. I'm not abandoning my other K-ON crackfic, "How I Met Your Mio" - but sometimes a man has to hop on a trend. (Go check that one out if you haven't yet. It's a parody of male-OC stories.)_

 _I swear I'm capable of writing a K-ON fic where Mio and Ritsu aren't at each other's throats. I just... don't feel like it. Yes._


End file.
